Character Interview

Bender's Bites

Feeling sad? Depressed? Out of touch? So miserable that the only thing keeping you from seeing how good gun metal REALLY tastes is your insufferable lust for Morrisey's even DEEPER depression? Well here's the answer for you! "Bender's Bites" is here to address your questions and queries. All your problems will be solved by me, John Bender. Let's face it, Dear Abby has all the real-world advice of a Franciscan monk (who is probably a eunuch) and the only thing keeping your guidance counselors alive is they're too buzzed on Burnett's Vodka and Valium to tie a proper noose. Why not trust Bender? I'll not only give you the advice you may not want to hear, but I'll shit myself laughing at your pathetic whining. So why risk paying for expensive therapy for your minor hormonal freakouts? Or the even more expensive therapy you'll need when your find your school counselor dangling from a ceiling fan with their pants down? So write me up. You can trust me. I swear to God I won't laugh.

Bender's Mix Tape

Matt Leonard

Matt is taking on the classic 'criminal' role of Bender.